Operation:NetTalk Entry#009

February 1, 2007

What Your Sleeping Positions Say About You

By Scott Roeben

What do your sleep positions say about you? What insights do your nocturnal contortions provide about your inner thoughts, your hopes and secret fantasies? For years, sleep experts have studied the relationship between how we sleep and how we feel. At last, the results of the research are available here—exclusively at Dribbleglass.com.

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A whopping 43 percent of us sleep on our backs. The position shows confidence and mental wellbeing. It expresses an openness and a generally bright outlook on life.

Many people sleep on their side. This popular position shows a small degree of insecurity, and often indicates growing stress overflowing from the sleeper’s waking hours.

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Sleeping on the stomach has been shown to correlate with hidden aggression. The “face down” position is often a precursor to dramatic and sometimes detrimental shifts in the sleeper’s emotional life.

This variation of lying on one’s back is known as the “Deathwish.” It is characterized by hands folded on one’s chest and shows the sleeper’s subconscious hope that he or she will be pushed into the path of an oncoming bullet train.

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The “L” position was first observed during the 1940s. Experts believe this fairly rare position reveals the sleeper’s secret yearning to swim in a giant vat of alphabet soup.

Referred to as the “Hazel,” this position clearly indicates that a sleeper harbors an unnatural desire to become a domestic servant.

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In this position—which utilizes a strategically positioned pillowcase—the sleeper reverts to infancy. It is clear this represents a longing for simpler times, as well as a profound urge to “go poopy.”

The unusual utilization of pillows in this configuration indicates a sexual timidity, usually brought on by some sexual dysfunction such as not being able to “get any” even after dating livestock.

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“The cheerleader”—likely to use pillow cases as makeshift pom-poms—has a need to “cheer” others on. This person often has a waking life full of shopping, spouting superficial cliches and “petting with really cool guys.”

The “Drooler” does just that. This isn’t exactly a sleep position, but we just think it’s icky.

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This position, the “Cousteau,” seems to be connected with the sleeper’s feelings they are “swimming against the current” in life, commonly mixed with a sense of “drowning with worry” or getting the love “bends.”

Scientists have no idea what this position represents, but it certainly does give one what experts call “the willies.”

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The “Roman Senator” harbors painful feelings of inadequacy. This position should not be confused with the “Braveheart,” which indicates painful feelings of wanting to rebel against one’s own “Longshank.”

It’s clear this sleeper wants to hide from his or her problems. He or she seeks to remain anonymous to the world, a place where he or she hates being referred to as “he or she.”

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This painful posture has been called the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” position by experts. It shows a deep-seated compulsion to default on loans from underworld figures with nicknames like “Johnny the Chin.”

These are some of the more common sleep positions. You may have some of your own. Listen to what your body is saying. Sometimes, of course, it’s not saying anything—it’s just making noises.


Operation:NetTalk Entry#008

January 31, 2007

Bizarre, sick, obscure news stories for today.

Student faces child porn charges

School-lunch streaker gets unexpected shock

Taped beatings a ‘new trend’

College Student Jailed For Two Days After Reporting Rape

Three charged in child prostitution

I won’t be happy until I lose my legs

Jumpers leave workers sleepless in Seattle

Sunburnt skin record bid

Update:

LAWMAKER AIMS TO ALLOW THE BLIND TO HUNT
(Texas, Reuters) – A Texas lawmaker is aiming to allow the blind to hunt. Texas State Representative Edmund Kuempel has introduced a measure that would allow blind people to hunt any game that sighted people can currently pursue. “This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that’s great,” Kuempel told Reuters. The bill may find little resistance in Texas, where politicians of all stripes endorse hunting, which is wildly popular in the state. Under the bill, blind hunters would be required to have a sighted hunter with them and would be allowed to use laser sights and other devices that are currently not allowed. “A blind person can shoot a rifle by mounting an offset pistol scope on the side of the rifle instead of on top,” said Terry Erwin, the Austin-based Hunter Education Coordinator with the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department. “This allows their companion behind them to peer over their shoulder and help them sight it, but the blind person can pull the trigger,” he told Reuters.

WARM BEER LED TO KILLING, POLICE SAY

(Missouri) – A St. Louis man was shot to death over a warm beer, police said. St. Louis police say a woman shot her husband, who was about 70 years old, four to five times in the chest after he tried giving her a warm can of Stag beer. Police said the wife admitted shooting him about 5:40 p.m. in the kitchen of their home in the 5100 block of Terry Avenue. Police said the home had no electricity at the time. Homicide detectives would not identify the man. The woman, whom police also did not identify, was taken into custody.

WORLD’S TALLEST MAN SAVES CHOKING DOLPHINS
(China, AP) – The long arms of the world’s tallest man saved two dolphins in northeast China by reaching inside of them to remove plastic they had swallowed, state media reported. The dolphins at an aquarium in Fushun, Liaoning Province, had fallen sick after swallowing the plastic from the edge of their pool, and attempts to use surgical instruments to remove the plastic failed because of the contraction of the dolphins’ stomachs in response to the instruments. Veterinarians then decided to ask for help from Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-8 herdsman from Inner Mongolia. Bao, 54, was confirmed last year by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s tallest living man. Bao was able to reach deep enough into the dolphins to pull out the plastic. “Some very small plastic pieces are still left in the dolphins’ stomachs,” Zhu Xiaoling, a local doctor, told Xinhua. “However the dolphins will be able to digest these and are expected to recover soon.”

CONDOMS CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR SOME INDIAN MEN
(India, Reuters) – Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found. The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had penises about one inch shorter than those condoms catered for. For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least two inches. A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn’t do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use. “One of the reasons for a failure of up to 20 percent of condoms is the association of the size of the condom to the erect penis,” the council’s Dr. Chander Puri told Reuters, adding another reason was couples often put them on in a hurry. Puri said many men in India, which has the world’s highest HIV positive caseload, were too shy to ask for condoms. “We need more vending machines for condoms of different sizes so people can pick a condom with confidence that is suited to their needs,” he said.

TONGUE MADE FROM BUTTOCKS
(Poland) – A Polish man who had his tongue removed has had a new one made using tissue taken from his buttocks. Jarislav Ernst, 23, from Gliwice, now has a functioning tongue made from his backside after surgery at the Oncology Clinic in Gliwice’s General Hospital. Head doctor Stanislaw Poltorek said, “The new tongue is alive and well-supplied with blood, and the patient is doing well.” Ernst’s tongue was removed after it was diagnosed with cancer. Dr. Poltorek added, “We removed the tumor-filled tongue, checking that there were no remaining cancerous cells around the patient’s mouth, then collected skin, fat and nerve tissue from the man’s buttocks and modeled that into a new tongue, which we sewed into his mouth.”


Operation:NetTalk Entry#007

January 29, 2007

I stumbled across this website today – RetroJunk. It has alot of old tv intros, commericals, movie trailers, etc… It’s one of those sites where you sit back and say, ohhh… I remember that! I thought I would share a few of my favorites.

This last video is not from RetroJunk. But I thought I would share it anyway. I’m not for sure how to categorize it. I’ll let you be the judge.


Operation:NetTalk Entry#006

January 28, 2007

A fresh patch of news stories. Sounds like I’m serving cookies. Hmmm… in a way, I am.

Lawmaker proposes allowing man’s best friend to be drinking buddy

Hold the coffee: scientist puts caffeine in doughnuts

Attraction to mannequins lands Detroit man in prison

China arrests men for murdering “ghost” brides

Guard shot, finishes shift but later dies

US woman fights off lion with pen

Bag of mice included in fast-food order; health agency sees it as isolated incident

Son Gets Six Months, Probation for Dismembering Mother

Police hunt pub urinal thief

Pee-wee may be heading back to his Playhouse. But for now, he’s happy to be Paul Reubens

Here are two sites that will zap away all thoughts of productivity.

Bored?

Onemorelevel


Operation:NetTalk Entry#005

January 27, 2007

Woz Presents the Apple Historical Museum.

The next time you’re on YouTube, check out adiblasi videos. Great stuff, even Woz views his vids!


Operation:NetTalk Entry#004

January 27, 2007

Tab Effect

While surfing the net a few weeks back I came across this clever Firefox extension. When switching between tabs it has a cube effect. I don’t know if it’s really useful, but I like it. Of course, nothing beats exposé on the mac – IMHO. If you’re interested you can find it here

By the way, it’s Windows only.


Operation:NetTalk Entry#003

January 24, 2007

A little off topic.

How do you know when you order in too much? Well, when you call to place an order and before you’re even able to finish rattling off your address you hear, “Ah, Mr. Norman, what can I get you tonight?”

Four Eyed Monster: Episode 3.5

A mathematical formula for procrastination